weird things...

Has anyone noticed things in life that are just kind of weird? Things like coincidences that have no proven possible explanation? These types of things have come up in my life since I was a small kid.

First one that comes to mind -
When I was 4 years old, we lost our house to a fire. It was a tragedy for me. First, let me tell you the story as best as I can recall...
My mom, aunt Sharon, cousin - Tracy and I were driving home. We were sitting at a red light waiting to turn down the main road to get to our street - maybe 1/2 mile. A fire truck came zooming by. There really wasn't room to move out of the way and I think they just drove in the other lane. I am not sure who said what, but my mom and aunt had an exchange of dialogue about the fire truck coming, turning down the road and hope it's not going to our house.
The light turns green and we turn headed down to our house. We turn on our street and there it all was - fire trucks and commotion right there. We lived 3 houses down so it was the first thing we saw when we turned on the road. By this time, the fire had been put out. The house was black on much of the left side (our side - mine and my parents' room). There were a lot of people. I really don't know. People were coming up, people we knew. How they knew, I have no idea as we didn't have cell phones to start texting and calling. Maybe a neighbors phone or the corner store pay phone. I remember a good friend of my mom's, Susan and her daughter, Angi, took me around to the little corner store. The owner, who we knew well, let us sit in the back area. I am not sure why Susan chose to tell me the story of Noah's Ark, but that's what she picked to do. I remember telling my mom later, I thought she was going to talk to me about the fire, not Noah's Ark! All the events of the day aren't clear to me at this point. I can remember my mom bringing stuff from out of the house to the front yard. Susan was able to salvage many of our pictures. I don't know where my dad was - probably at work. I don't recall when he got home or much other than the few things I've written. My aunt Pam was asleep on the couch. She woke up and ran outside. She tried to push her car back away from the house as it was parked right in front of the left side, where the fire started. She burnt her hand and had to stay over night in the hospital. I have no idea how she got there. I don't remember seeing her there on the scene but do remember seeing her at the hospital that night. We were later told the cause of the fire. It came from the window unit a/c that was located in our room. When I heard that, I remembered how I had stepped on the cord that was laying on the floor the day before and it was very hot. I didn't tell anyone that it was hot or that I stepped on it. Of course, after hearing it was the cause of the fire, I told them. That's all weird. Like, at 4 years old, why wouldn't you say ouch! I burnt my foot on that cord. I can't say that I'm much different now though. I just kind of have this idea if that's how it is then it's that way.  

The other thing that I learned later in life is that I had an imaginary friend, Jennifer. After the house fire, I no longer had Jennifer. I don't know what happened to her. She might have been in that fire.  I do not know how long I had Jennifer or how I came up with the name. I know that 9 months later my mom had a baby girl and she named her Jennifer!

Huge fast forward, when Breanna was about 3-4 years old, she had an imaginary friend. We would see her talk while she played and how she drove her barbie jeep around and around. Then one day, we heard her call her imaginary friend's name, Jennifer Aries. Not too out there seeing my sister's name is Jennifer and she was a huge part of her life as far as taking care of her. Makes me wonder if my sister had an imaginary friend and if so, what it's name was. She doesn't remember a lot from child hood like I do but I want to see if she or Mom remembers.

Colby doesn't have a huge imagination. As far as we know, he never had an imaginary friend or pretended to be talking to others during play.

Ethan had an imaginary friend. His friend, Johnny, came along when he was about 3. He came about not long after my uncle Johnny passed away. It was very weird as one day, he just told me he was bringing his friend Johnny with him to the store with us. We talked about Johnny and he would ask me if I see him. Johnny hung around for a little over a year. There were times Johnny would be in the car with us, at the store, at a restaurant and yes, we had to have a place for him to sit and get the double seated cart at HEB so Johnny could sit next to Ethan.

There are a lot of these in my life. I have no idea as to what this stuff means if it means anything at all. I wonder if these are pieces to the puzzle?

A Worthy Investment

I began a workbook today on parenting - Life 101! The Parenting Edition by Dr. Bob & Ann Livesay. A bit different than the parenting books, magazines, internet articles, and all the other way to solicit advice on parenting in hopes to be the best parent possible.
On this first day of reading/working, there were some very interesting ways presented to view parenting.

My Notes:
Psalms 127:1
Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain.

Thought for the day:
while you cannot be a perfect parent, you can be a godly parent, and that’s precisely the kind of parent you should strive to become. Effective parenting doesn’t require perfection, it simply requires love, commitment, a sense of purpose and a willingness to depend upon God.

1 Timothy 4:15
It’s not perfection; it’s progress as a parent that delights the Lord.

View mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.

Parenting Tip: Don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t have to be a perfect parent to be a godly one. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on dependence and perseverance: in other words, depend on the Lord and don’t give up.


The Four Biblical Responsibilities for Parents:

1. Love: To love their children by building a relationsh9ip that mirrors God’s unconditional love (Psalm 127:3)

2. Teach: To teach their children by instilling a storehouse of wisdom (Ephesians 6:4)

3. Discipline: To discipline their children in order to drive out foolishness (Proverbs 22:15)

4. Letting Go: To let their children go by training them to be independent (Genesis 2:24)


“The only real qualifications that parents need is a sincere and diligent desire to follow God’s ways. God knew your strengths and weaknesses when you signed up to be a parent, and He still hired you.” (Lisa Whelchel, page 13, Life 101! The Parenting Edition)


My hope is to add more knowledge and have a clear understanding of exactly how God wants His children parented/disciplined. He gives us these wonderful gifts, these great treasures all for His glory and His purpose. I want to honor Him by doing right by Him as these 3 wonderful gifts he's given me are simply amazing. Life is such a strange process. Throughout the life span we encounter so many experiences, stages, mishaps, understandings, etc. What is profound for me at this time is I have this wonderful young woman doing her best to live her life for Christ. She is such a blessing to me and I am sure has taught me as much or more than I've taught her. She's 18 and now these two little boys of mine, 8 and 5, really are getting a different mom than what she had. I don't know that it's better as much as it's what I've learned along the way and how the natural process of change is inevitable. If we strive to improve over the course of our life - which I firmly believe we should - then of course, all three kids are going to have different life experiences although they've been raised in the same house, by the same parents...


I am a true believer that we all do the best we can with what we have at the time. I am a true believer that we should all want to do better; therefore, we must learn how. Life is a journey. It's a never-ending process of experiences that shape who we are; determines our destiny. We can each, always, be better... improve... Children are worth investing time and energy into so that they can be part of the journey, that makes a difference in the world!

The best part about this, Albert and I worked on it together! <3

Peace.

"Do all things without murmurings and disputings: that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ..., that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain." from Philippians 2.

Peace?

I am not sure where I will go with this one. It's been on my mind for quite some time. For some reason, I am thinking this is that "place" so many people attempt to achieve in life - peace. I am not certain there is a problem in the pursuit of peace. I am certain that belief systems can interfered with progress in any goal of life, including seeking peace as well as self-actualization. Maybe that's where this will go... to my favorite theory of healthy/functional human development...

I've also been thinking a lot about blame and if blame is even an option if a person wants to achieve, say... peace??? There's gotta be a way this all balances out. I think it's much more simple than our human minds want to make it. Maybe this is why the Bible says, the greatest is LOVE. Maybe that's what it's all about. Maybe it is that simple.
So, these are the beginning of my thoughts on this... I've been giving a lot of consideration to these concepts and I'm still gathering information, researching if you will, to formulate what I at least, at this moment, believe to be true. 

Please, feel absolutely free to leave comments. UYou can do so anonymously without worries of me or anyone else knowing the comments are from Uyou and without the hassle of creating your own google acct if you don't have one, although it's really simple.

I would like to have a collection of feedback from others to add to my own thoughts, feelings and information I will gather.

the five love languages of children - my thoughts and experience

This is probably my absolute favorite book. It makes so much sense. I had known about the 5 love languages in general just from conversation and the work environment. I had picked up a copy of the book, The Five Love Languages at a book store but hadn't read it. At some point, I picked it up... for children. We went through a time of struggles with Colby and through the process of helping him get back on track to a typical age appropriate ability to function I read the book. Funny thing, I didn't read the book on my own, it was like I was told to read it. Colby was diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder while in 1st grade at only 6 years old. This was the year of hurricane Ike. Hurricane Ike was just what pushed him to the point of insecurity beyond the extra hugs and cuddles. We had several deaths in our family and it was all very overwhelming. And then the hurricane. It was like loss, loss, loss, loss, fear, loss, insecurity, etc. He never wanted to leave my side and there was no leaving him at school. While this was going on, us doing everything we can to comfort him and get him on track asap as to not stagnate his development, he would go to "big" church with us. In a series of sermons, Pastor Kerry talked about speaking the language of your spouse, your children, etc. It wasn't exact to Dr. Gary Chapman's 5 love languages as there are many who have similar thoughts on what it takes to love. Having said that, we do all know that love is an action, not a feeling? While sitting there, he would introduce 1 concept and discuss it and then another and then he says - touch. Some people receive love the best through touch and physical expressions. Colby was already sitting as close to me as he possibly could and leaned over to me and said, "that's mine." My eyes about popped out of my head! Really? This 6 year old BOY can openly communicate to me HIS LOVE LANGUAGE??? No freakin way! But inside, I knew it was absolutely the truth that he was fully aware of what he was talking about. The way to show Colby love is to hug him, hold him, pat his head, pat his back, scratch his back, hold hands, and so on. I then recalled how he would hold onto the ear of the person holding him as an infant and it became the only way he could go to sleep. This went on until around age 4-5. He always wanted to be held as a baby, like ALWAYS.

With that ah-ha moment from Colby, I grabbed the book and read and read and read and read some more. I had a pen underlining things and little sticky notes for all of the important things to review after I completed the book (which by the way my sister removed every last one of them when she borrowed the book :)~) and really took to hear all that it said. Now, we had been at a loss of what to do with Colby. We did everything we could from A to Z in attempts to motivate him to attend school and nothing worked. So I just knew this book had the answers and it did. What I found in the book was so wonderful and helped me to explain to the other "people on his team" as we called it, exactly what would help Colby and what wouldn't work.

Now we know, that ALL children need physical touch from their parents and other caregivers. It's just a fact. It's needed for the child to thrive and to develop in a way that is beneficial to the child. Without it, the child might not be able to advance to the next things that follow in life development. The biggest thing learning about physical touch and it as Colby's primary love language is have more tolerance because let's face it, how long can someone rub your ear lob before you want to slap their hand away? How much closer could another human really get without smothering you, literally? It gave me tolerance. It gave me patience. It gave me understanding. It guided my interaction with him. It molded my discipline with him. I don't like the whole spanking thing to start with. Yes, all of my kids have gotten pops on the butt - usually at times when they were out of control and it was to get their attention. What I learned is, if a kid's primary love language is touch - spanking, hitting, smacking, pinching, biting, hair pulling, shoving, jerking, grabbing and even the threat of doing these things is counter active to their development and the very reasons parents are blessed with children to begin with. 

Once I figured this out and shared it with his therapist, all the family involved, his teacher, school counselor and other faculty at school - the calmer his life became. There are some teachers who are huggers and some aren't. They both have their reasons and that's OK. But once they were aware that this worked for Colby, those involved offering him a hug - quietly as he is so very shy, especially during that time period, really made him feel loved, wanted, a part of, cared about, secure - all the things he needed. We all worked together to keep Colby's love tank full by making the effort, having patience and tolerance, to show the affection through touch even when we might not really feel quite like that hug, or have the time to really let him sit on our lap... the love tank must stay full.

I really encourage all parents and grand-parents to read this book. There are many books Dr. Chapman has written for different audiences. They are simple to read and really let you see what our children need. They all need love, but they all interpret it by a different action.

the 5 love languages
1. physical touch
2. words of affirmation
3. quality time
4. gifts
5. acts of service

All kids need each love language "spoken" to them; however, each child has one love language that really speaks directly to them. ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT! I have to say - this is a piece of that puzzle!

Psalms 127: 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.

Proverbs 22: 6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Psalms 62: 5-8

"He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.