choosing to see

One of my favorite things is connecting all the pieces of life together. It's not something that takes a whole lot of work. It just takes an open-mind and choosing to see. For so many people, seeing is believing. Fortunately, at a very early age, I was introduced to the most interesting man in the world. Over time, there were a lot of questions, some confusion, and some desire to see in order to believe.  My life experiences brought about so many questionable, incomprehensible, and frightful situations; many of which I consider ah-ha moments.

To begin, I struggle with words like "suffer" and "victim" and other descriptives which put a person in a position to view themselves as misunderstood, victims, weak, undeserving, sufferers, lack of self-worth, without purpose... that's probably worth another blog. So while I say this, I am still not convinced 100% I believe it... My father, whom I adore, suffered with the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. I say suffer in this case because of what I know and witness in relation to this insidious disease and how it destroys lives. I also know he didn't ask for it and there is a genetic pre-disposition. The other side, my argument to "suffer" is I do believe everything happens in God's world for a reason.

Many of my memories are not completely clear or thorough; not all bad either! In fact, many aren't bad at all. While it's not a desirable experience, there is a lot of fun and crazy times that go along with it; most likely not age appropriate, but maybe that will be yet another blog! haha

A significant memory, probably my very first ah-ha moment in life and just identified as the most defining moment of my life begins with a time my parents had a huge argument resulting in my dad leaving in the car, drunk. I am not sure why they were arguing, what it was about, nor is it very important. When he was sober, he knew he couldn't drive. I am guessing by this time consequences occurred evident of a problem. I also am not certain of why my mom thought it best that we have my aunt, his older sister, pick us up - me, mom and my sister for us to stay overnight at her house. We stayed over night and my aunt drove us home the next morning. I can remember on the drive home hearing my mom and aunt talk and feeling the fear, worry and anxiety as we drove and I listened. I can't tell you what they were saying. As we got closer, I remember closing my eyes and praying. I just continued to say, God, please let my daddy be home when we get there... God, please let my daddy be home when we get there... God, please let my daddy be home when we get there... I remember slowly peeking as we approached the house. I recall the feeling of absolute pure relief as I saw that green car sitting perfectly in the drive way. I have no idea what happened next in regards to the arguement, the real problem that controlled all of our lives, or the series of events before, during and after this time relating to both my father's struggle with this disease and to my faith in a God that is bigger beyond our understanding, but I can remember very clearly the awe in my very young mind, "now I know, Jesus is real."

There was no other way to explain this obvious miracle. To give a sum to the incredibly long journey of my dad's life, his addiction to alcohol began very early on in his life and came with many undesirable consequences for himself and those he loves. By this time, the fear of the dreaded phone call was instilled in us...police department, hospital, or the collect call from jail; therefore, arriving home to an undamaged car and to my father in the house could only make sense as divine intervention. Jesus is not only real, He is for me. He is for my dad. He is for my family. He is for you too.

Pieces of this puzzle -
faith is believing in what you can't see, He shows you all the time if you choose to see
my dad didn't suffer in vain if indeed he suffered
God's plan is bigger than we can understand
the most interesting man in the world - Jesus!